I do have to give the first prize, however, to Amy Cooper Rodriguez (whoop whoop!), not simply for the comic relief of Ellen's clip "Dennis Quaid Needs a Tailor".......but also for her sheer persistence in sending me things to smile about. Amy, may your life forever be enriched and blessed by Will Ferrel's portrayal of a serious seventies newscaster and philosopher. Email me your address.
As for the runner's up - coming in in second place is Janet P. for this video called Laughing Yoga, which made me spit out my coffee. Watch it, although not while you're drinking anything.
And in third place, we have Barbara for her true story (I love funny, true stories!) called "The Lorax," which can be read in the comment sections here.
So, for the past 24 hours, I'd say I've been feeling a wee bit Scaredy, kind of like my friend Grover, here.
Fortunately, like Grover, part of me knows that what I'm scared of might not really turn out to be all that bad. Just like before surgery, when I imaged how awful it was going to be - I might wake up under anesthesia on the table but no one would hear my screams! Or my recovery would be agonizing!- none of which turned out to be.
But the unknown is scary.
One of the seemingly dumber things I did on the afternoon I got the shocking news that the cancer cells had made it to my lymph nodes was to sit in a darkened bedroom with my laptop and read celebrity obituaries for 2012-13. Why? I have no idea. Interestingly, this was not an upsetting experience - except in the use of the word "battle." Repeatedly, those that died were said to have "lost their battle" with cancer. The word "battle" pissed me off, as it sounded so harsh and bloody and tragic. The phrase also implied that those who died were, well, losers. They'd "lost."
I have no intention of fighting a battle. Some of you have said or written to me, "Kick cancer's ass." That's OK. I don't mind the idea of "kicking cancer's ass," but I plan to kick cancer's ass with loving kindness. I plan to go all Buddha-like on cancer's ass. So I've armed myself (no wait! see how easy it is to fall into the collective battle metaphor ?) I mean I'm readying myself with guided meditations and Pema Chodron's book When Things Fall Apart, in which she writes things like "Chaos should be regarded as extremely good news." And "The next time you encounter fear, consider yourself lucky." And, finally, "Every day, when things get edgy, we can just ask ourselves am I going to practice peace, or am I going to go to war?"
So I'm going to try to practice peace. I'm going to practice trying to stay in the present moment. And to breathe.
And to attempt to stop predicting the future.
And to whistle a happy tune
This, my friends,will be the new me (minus the long ears and hopefully the enormous belly.)
Love your blog! I think humor is what gets people through this. My neighbor and now friend just had a double. I have been there with her and she is remarkable. Can't wait for more posts!
ReplyDeleteSending you many happy, Zen-like vibes as you start chemo.
ReplyDeleteAs for Doc the dwarf, well, as us cancer folk know, you basically get a crash course in medicine when you're dealing with this disease, so you're practically a doc yourself. A brave, Buddha-like doc.
xo
ReplyDeleteJust a loving reminder of what my new swimming buddy told me about her experience... "Have fun with the Chemo"! sounds crazy, but true. Dye your hair, buy fun wigs. Acceptance of your circumstance gives you the power to persevere, to change it and to smile! Much love! AB
ReplyDeleteI was a brand new nurse post-Katrina New Orleans. There were no wards, all the sick people of the city came to my floor, no matter what the illness. So I hung my first bag of chemo, assigned my first cancer patient during this time. I knew my patient was on her way and i remember having these outrageous fears about the list of side effects on the label, vomiting everywhere, hair spread everywhere, I won't get graffic, I know you have read it all. She walked in w her handful of spiritual books and stated "I have claimed that I will not have any side effects. My lord provides". In retrospect, I know she had the added stresses of Katrina in her personal life and didn't have a cancer hospital, cancer ward, or even a cancer nurse for her care. Nonetheless, She was so lovely to care for. I remember thinking that I would love for her not to have side effects but the medicatin label was more powerful in my mind at that time. Somehow I kept being her nurse, week after week for six weeks. At the end she had a Fullll head of hair, chubby as ever, as any proper 60 year old woman from New Orleans should be, and refusing to admit she ever had a side effect for six weeks.. She would talk about the chemo attacking the cancer cells but not touching a single other cell in her body. I think she taught me so much about our bodies, mind, spirit, and illness. Now thinking of it, those lessons carried into my own births....something else many women carry so much negativity into, rightfully so. I am so glad you are surrounding your naughty cells in peace and love. And I am so glad you are sharing your story with us all. Rock on, Amy! Words!
ReplyDeleteSending you healing thoughts. xo
ReplyDeleteThanks for the mention ;)
ReplyDeleteMore importantly, thank you for pointing out that the dwarves need a Scarey... how true!
ReplyDeleteWait. I lost? . . . Really?
Not that it matters, of course. I mean, let's get real here. Compared to your first day of chemo, my losing a DVD contest hardly seems very significant.
. . . It's just . . . I don't know, it just seems like "it" is suddenly the elephant in the room, so to speak.
Don't get me wrong. We're all very happy for Amy. She totally deserves that Anchorman DVD. There's no question about that.
. . . And yet . . . while certainly no one has posed that question, I can't help but feel that perhaps, on some small level, it has at least been mulled.
But then that's neither here nor there. Water under the bridge, as far as I'm concerned. To be honest, I don't even no why people are making such a big deal about it.
Not that I'm trying to discount anyone's feelings, of course. Believe you me, that is not my intention. The ownership and validity of the feelings of others is sacrosanct in my opinion. And if those people choose to fight injustice, no matter how big or small the cause, I, for one, will not stand in their way. In fact, I will stand with them.
. . . Plus, I've already seen the movie, so . . .
Now, as someone who has advocated more of an English soccer hooligan's steel-toed-boot-to-the-kidney approach to this disease, it may take me a bit of time to wrap my head around your planned kindness campaign. But i think that says less about your plan then it does about my misspent childhood (read: lengthy undergraduate and graduate school years) playing video games where characters routinely cleave each other in two with oversized battle hatchets.
In fact, the more I think about it, the better your plan sounds.
Your zigging just when cancer expects you to zag. And sure, watching Buford Pusser mow his way through a large collection of Dixie mafia low-lifes armed with nothing more than a well-wielded two-by-four in the Walking Tall films may be satisfying on some (actually many) levels. But I think we can all agree that Julie Andrews' super-positive character in the Sound of Music is the person we'd probably prefer to spend the greater amount of time with (not to mention the fact that she bested the Nazis!).
Keep fighting the good fight (in a Ghandi-esque way, of course)!
Jeanna - that is an awesome and inspiring story about your experience with a cancer patient post Katrina. Wow. I'd like to interview you one day and write it up for publication. What do you think? Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteAnd Kevin, my friend - well, totally uninspiring comment but you are right. In this contest, I overlooked my funniest and most loyal on-site blog commentator .
As a booby prize, I offer you the nail-biting epic film (which I can not bear to watch myself again as I am always too nervous about the person in the middle getting crushed) "Night at the Roxbury." Or you can have "Mary Poppins". I don't own Sound of Music. Let me know.