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Saturday, March 7, 2009

Are These People Trying to Tell Me Something?

This morning I went to have my eyebrows waxed. Yes, I have hairy eyebrows, but that is not what this blog post is about. The moment I laid down on the table and shut my eyes, the esthetician said, “You have a lot going on right now, don’t you?” Was she psychic or something?

“How did you know?” I said.

“It’s your energy....,” she said. “You must be tired.”

Boy, had she hit the nail on the head. I was just thinking this morning about how I’d gone and fallen in the hole again. The hole was a metaphor that Dr. K, a couple’s therapist my husband and I used to see, would use for us. It seemed we were always falling in the same holes; fighting over the same things. What we needed to do was learn to see the hole coming and step around it, something we are still trying to master.

In my own life, the hole I’m trying to avoid is taking on too much. But I can’t seem to help myself. Besides the regular activities of my part-time job, taking care of the kids, my writing, and trying to maintain some sanity, I recently committed myself to an online class called StilletoBootcamp, joined a community service committee in my town, and decided to start this blogging thing. Oy.

This habit is nothing new. After having my first child, I decided to try teaching for the first time. I would stay up until 3am preparing for class as I had terrible stage fright, and then the baby would wake me at oh, 4 or 4:30 am and I’d walk into my 8am freshman comp class ten minutes late, barely awake. This lasted for about two months, when I just couldn’t sustain it any more. I wrote an email to the dean, “Can you please try to find me a replacement?” I asked. They did. I chalked it up to something I’d try again later, when life was more under control.

But I’m beginning to wonder if my life will ever be under control. And do I really want it to be? Maybe I simply like all this fast pace and pressure. Although it would be nice to have a little more balance.

At the time I was teaching and juggling my new baby, I went to see a new eye doctor. The eye doctor was an elderly gentlemen, maybe in his early 70’s, with a Kennedy-esque accent. What struck me most about him, however, was his office. With its brown panelling and simple furnishings, it looked like it hadn’t been update since 1965. His demeanour struck me too; he was so calm and unlike most more doctors, he took a full hour to get to know me and do my eye exam. Although i felt ancy to get out of there because, of course, there was so much to do, I did appreciate the attention. And he made a comment to me that I always go back to:

“Simplify,” he said. “That’s what we need to do to enjoy life.”

I suppose the fact that he was my eye doctor was what infused that comment with such meaning. Believe me, I read things about simplifying all the any women’s magazine and they’ll tell you the same thing. But when it comes from your eye doctor (or your eyebrow esthetician for that manner) one can’t help but think “how wise”...or at least I can’t help but think that. Eye doctors are all about perception, and vision and the way we see things. So I always go back to this: simplify, Amy.

I haven’t done it yet, of course, but I’ve heard awareness is the first step to change. Forgot who told me that one. Maybe it was my hairdresser.