Blame the chemo.
Blame the bad taste in my mouth and that everything tastes awful (except for everything you kind people bring to me...)
Blame my inability to yell at the top of my lungs.
Blame trying to manage fatigue while managing two rambunctious (that's putting it kindly) children.
Blame my hormones (as I know the men will immediately do, anyway).
Blame my hormones (as I know the men will immediately do, anyway).
I have taken my hostility out not just on my family but on members of the local academic community. I called the school earlier this week after the latest robo-call telling me that Ethan was absent when he wasn't.
"You know that the kids are late every day, right? You know that I'm going through chemo (poor me)? Stop the $!@% robo calls."
No, I didn't curse. But I wanted to. The woman tried to explain herself...there wasn't enough time to switch the absence to a tardy before the terminator was scheduled to phone home...something like that. I responded and although I don't recall what I was saying, she hung up on me mid-sentence. Bitch.
So I emailed Ethan's teacher and kindly asked if she could just mark him tardy every day, not absent, and that I'd call if he were absent. They probably think I'm nuts, asking to mark my kids late every day (although he is, so what's the difference?) I also bitched via email because they sent home a huge pile of the wrong kids' work from this year. But you see, I can't stand the paper! Don't send me any more #%! paper! I already put most of Ethan's first grade class work into recycling (which Ben got mad at me for and pulled it out), and now I'm forced to sort through all of Eddie's paperwork before realizing it's Eddie's?! NOOOOOOOOO...........
I wrote the teacher another email: "Would you like me to send Eddie's classwork back in the folder, or put it in recycling?"
I guess that was a little hostile.
I guess that was a little hostile.
Does anyone know if this is normal behavior toward the end of chemo? I'm usually a nice, well-mannered, patient person. I think. Now, with 13 days to go until my LAST treatment, I'm this guy (without the drums):
Amy, you can do anything you damn well please. Period.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. Chemo will be over soon and then you'll recover your taste buds, your hair--and most of your mind.
Sending hugs...
thx Anita!
DeleteIf you blame it on alcohol, I bet the state will take the kids for a few days and you can have some rest. As for "hostile," hostile is sewing your husband in between the sheet and the blanket and beating him with a bat. That's hostile.
ReplyDeleteOnce the Dalai Lama answered the question about what he does to mosquitoes -- his answer was let one have its fill, maybe two, then it's smack-down time.
ReplyDeleteI agree with CK -- you're really just a bit grumpy on the scale of hostile.
I'll be trying to make a yummy something with metallic taste dissolving molecules in it.
It's almost over girl - then off to Vermont for your love affair with words.
love that quote about smack down time. :)
DeleteWhen I was a sophomore in college in North Carolina, I shared an apartment with three other guys. One day, upon returning from Wendy's -- which I should point out was located across the street from our apartment (this fact will be relevant in a second) -- I discovered that the staff had screwed up my order. I had asked for a plain chicken sandwich, and they gave me one with the works (lettuce, tomatoes, mayonnaise, you name it, it was on there).
ReplyDeleteI responded to this (actually quite minor) transgression by flinging my sandwich against our living room wall (instead of going back to Wendy's for the correct version . . . the Wendy's, if you remember, which was located across the street).
Not only did I not have cancer at the time, but, owing to my degree program (Communications), I estimate that I had 22.5 hours of free time every day (13 of which I would typically wile away in sweet, sweet slumber).
So yeah, let me echo the point made on a couple of the other comments to this post: I think you're good.
Karma may be a bitch, but it's not bitchy. Even it has its limits.
However, if you are still worried about how others might be perceiving you, take a moment to complete this short multiple-choice question:
You are strolling down the street when you spot a friend/acquaintance/neighbor coming in the other direction. They flag you down.
"Remember back when I had cancer and there was a possibility that I might have a blood clot in my leg and my eyes were watering at will and I couldn't pronounce the word eight?," they ask.
"Yes," you say rather formally because you are a character in a multiple-choice question, "I do remember that time which you are referring to."
"Well," the friend/acquaintance/neighbor says, "there was a day back then when I was a bit curt with you. And I just wanted to apologize for that. I feel bad about it."
Do you respond by saying:
A.) "No apology necessary. I'm just happy to see that you're doing better."
B.) "You were curt? . . . I don't even remember that."
or
C.) "F*ck you. You should feel bad . . . *sshole."
If you chose any response other than C, you can pretty much trust that you are in the clear with everyone you know.